Dear Dr. Cherrye,
During my daughter’s monthly playdates I’ve noticed that a few of the young girls aged 4-5 years old play very rough. My daughter plays nice, is meek, mild and loves to be around other girls her age. As I observe my little girl’s actions, she seems confused. I mean, these few little girls are mean, and often do not want to share toys.
Shockingly, the moms of these girls either ignore, or say very little. I sit waiting on the moms to step in redirecting their girls, but it rarely happens. Dr. Cherrye, why is it that some little girls seem so mean at such young ages? How do I explain this to my little girl who just wants friends?
I just can’t get over my shock!
~ Dear I just can’t get over my shock ~
Dr. Cherrye first would like to applaud you for teaching your young daughter how to play nice and share. You have to remember that ‘not all sizes fit all‘ and in this case not all parents teach and role model appropriate social skills like you’ve done so well. Social skills training is taught, and at home first.
Secondly, children usually learn what they observe. Without knowing the moms within your circle, I’ll leave you to make this observation and assessment. “The apple usually don’t fall too far from the tree.”
Thirdly, keep teaching your daughter the importance of socially appropriate behavior which includes playing nice and sharing. You are on the right track and taking the right actions. Your daughter will ‘come out ahead‘ and will grow into a very loving, likable and responsible young lady. Teachers will notice, and they will applaud you as well.
And finally, tell your daughter that her kindness may ‘rub off‘ on other girls as they’ll want to become just like her because people will like your daughter. She will be admired, and she’ll go a long way in life.
Explanation to Your Daughter
Tell your daughter that she’s a great little girl who makes you proud on playdates. Tell her that you’ve observed her saying kind things to the other little girls, playing fair and sharing nicely. Although you will also want to teach your daughter how not to become a victim of bullies (a topic for another time) be sure to teach her that not everyone will be as kind as she is — through life, and while this isn’t great news –it’s reality. Tell her not to ever change her kind ways and great habits. She has to learn early on in life to ‘consider the source‘ – meaning – how some children are raised at home. It’s also important to tell your daughter that she’ll soon find friends on her own that will be just like she is harboring great habits, and who will have great social skills. Another option you might discuss with your daughter is determining if she’d like to cease going to the playdates until she can find friends she’ll enjoy being around, or at least take a break. Maybe the other moms will inquire why you two have missed.
Do not worry. One day your daughter will thank you for teaching her these kind virtues and role modeling the same. You’ll beam at how well-trained she is and all due to your rearing.
Dr. Cherrye will provide a few items that may help parents teach little girls kindness and social skills: (1) Time for playdates: Model me Kids… (2) Letitia Baldridge’s More than Manners: Raising Today’s Kids to Have Kind Manners and Good Hearts (3) Little Playdates – Little Adventures (4) Children Playdates: Tips for Building Kid’s Social Skills
I’ve made it my mission to assist parents in resolving the bullying issues their children are suffering. Offering your feedback and suggestions in the comment section could facilitate meaningful dialog on this critical issue among ourselves and I encourage this. I will respond to each comment in a timely way. Should you wish to speak privately with me, please email me at CherryeVasquez@gmail.com, and I will reply promptly.
If you haven’t already, click here to download my two FREE e-books